Kind of cliche to be not only a motherless daughter, but a fatherless one too! Hahaha.

On a serious note, I really have never had an actual relationship with my father because unfortunately, he is a drug addict. He spent my childhood in and out of prison and even when he was out, he was too busy stealing/scamming/sniffing to dare think about me.

I can still picture little ole’ me sitting in my childhood homes front window eagerly waiting for whatever current GF (victim) my father was dating to drive him to pick me up. 9/10 times he never came and 9/10 times I was crushed but cared about his feelings more than mine of course.

There is so so so much to this story but today I need to debrief a weird situation.

Long story short:

Seven years ago my father got clean for the longest he’s ever been. Finally bought his first house, had his own business, made actual income for the first time ever…. So I was sold on this version of him that claimed he wanted to have a relationship with me. Approaching two years clean quickly turned into a nightmare of trying new drugs that “aren’t addictive” (did you know crack isn’t addictive? according to my father) HA

Another long story short- this relapse turned into a downward spiral of drugs, stealing, crime, etc. So much so that he went on the run for THIRTY+ days from the US Marshalls after robbing someone he knew for a l o t of money. But because the universe rewards the scum of the earth for whatever reason, he scored the deal of a lifetime, 5 years house arrest?! As a 4th time FELONY OFFENDER #merica.

Long Long Long story short- he quickly fell back into drugs and crime when they let him out of jail and guess where he is now….

PRISON- DUH! #violatedparole

I’ve been completely no contact for years because every form of contact was him asking me for something of course. I’m the type of person that cannot avoid feeling sympathy for crappy people (ewe) so it’s best for me to avoid contact.

Two weeks ago I found out he was beat up by three men in prison. Normal me would say he got what he deserves, but the daughter in me felt scared and sad. The thought of prison truly makes me uncomfortable because I wouldn’t survive ONE DAY, let alone 5 years. So after hearing he was not only beat up, but also put in hold for days before transferring him, then someone stole all of his belongings.. it just made me sad.

I’m sad that the crime, drug life was worth the risk to waste his life in prison. I’m sad that drugs meant more than his two amazing daughters. I’m sad that he made me make a very hard decision that hurts me either way.

This is your reminder that it’s important to set boundaries for yourself and cut the people out that do nothing but drag you down. Choose you.